Motivation
by Essie1876
Summary: Word Prompt Challenge: Motivation How Sam Winchester is your motivation.


Motivation.

A/N: This was an entry to a challenge on Tumblr.

Warnings: Anxiety Attack

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Motivation is the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way. Your main motivator was Sam Winchester. The love of your life. You met sophomore year of college and haven't been able to get him out of your head since. And lucky for you, it was the same for Sam. You started dating halfway through junior year of grad school and then ended up getting married three years later. Sam was almost done with law school and you were just a year away from graduating with your DMA (Doctor of Musical Arts) specializing in music performance, more specifically theatre performance, at Stanford. When you started your doctorate at Stanford, there was a period of time that you thought that it was a mistake and almost quit. If it wasn't for Sam, you probably would have. Even with his workload from law school, he was able to motivate you in a way in which no one ever could.

You knew that your degree couldn't really be used for anything. It was more for the piece of paper than anything else, but at the same time it would help solidify your knowledge to become a Dramaturg or Literary Manager for some of the biggest names out there. You couldn't wait to have the degree to show that you knew what you were doing but at the same time you weren't sure it was enough. It may be a doctorate, but was it enough?

Sam helped you through dozens of panic and anxiety attacks throughout the duration of your last four years of schooling. He was your anchor the entire time, and because of that he was also your motivator. He kept reminding you what your dreams were and that this would help. Your worst anxiety attack happened in the middle of your first year in the doctorate program. You thought you could handle this attack but you were so wrong. You knew an anxiety attack was about to happen when you felt like you were losing control and had a feeling of overwhelming fear. You were in the bedroom while Sam was in the office. He had a big test coming up so you were in separate rooms to let him concentrate. You had a big project due soon and everything started to overwhelm you. You felt as if your entire was numb and started to hyperventilate. It was when you started feeling dizzy and chest pain that you knew you needed Sam. You tried to yell out to him but when you did it felt as if there was something in your throat stopping you from making any kind of noise. Then you thought you'd call him to get his attention. That was when you remembered your phone was in the living room. The last option was getting out of the bed and somehow getting to him.

The numbness started to become more severe and you weren't sure you were going to be able to get out of the bed let alone to the office but you knew you had to try. As soon as you got up off the bed, you knew that was a bad idea. The dizziness increased and you felt as if you took a step you would fall, but you knew that for this to be over sooner you needed to get to Sam. When you took your first step you had to grab onto the edge of the bed so you wouldn't fall to the floor. By the time you reached the door, you were sobbing silently and weren't sure if you could make it to the office. You tried to call out for Sam again but no noise came out. So, you kept going, leaning on the wall the entire time.

You were almost to the office door when suddenly your knees gave out, causing you to crash to the floor. The sudden noise caused Sam to come rushing out of the office. Upon seeing you on the floor, he ran to your side asking if you were okay. You shook your head no. When you finally looked him in the eyes he knew exactly what was happening. He scooped you up and carried you to your library knowing that that was the one place that was the would help soothe you. Once in there he set you on your favorite seat in the library and grabbed the set of notecards with sayings that have helped calm you in the past. After an hour, the anxiety attack finally started to ease up. You were able to speak again and you could tell that Sam was relieved. This was your longest attack yet and most debilitating. Once the attack was over Sam grabbed one of your favorite books and started reading it until you gave him the signal that you were ready to talk.

It was another half hour or so before you were ready to talk. Sam gave you his full attention while you spoke about what set off your anxiety attack. Once you were finished, you looked up to see Sam staring at you with a huge smile on his face. You were beyond confused since you just spoke about what set off your attack.

"Y/N, after listening to what the set off was, I realize how perfect you are. You love what you do with so much passion. Your only problem is is that you fear things that you shouldn't fear. I understand that you think through things differently and that is why it started an anxiety attack, but from my perspective your perfect and what you're working towards is perfect. It's perfectly you. You love what you do, and that's all that matters. You are reaching and achieving your dreams."

That is what he said to you that day and ever since then he has been your motivator and your constant. Anytime you felt overwhelmed, he would motivate you to see it from a different angle or, when the situation called for it, to simply push through it. He knew your limits better than you and, because of that, he knew how to encourage you and continue to be your motivation. He has been your constant throughout all your struggles and has helped you through your toughest times. Just last week he helped motivate and keep you going.

You were working on the biggest project of your program. It was so important that the grade you got on it would determine if you would pass or fail the program. Not just the class but the program. You were stressed and Sam knew it. He made sure everything went as smoothly as possible at home to keep your stress level as low as possible. It was 2 a.m. and Sam had headed to be hours ago. You had your research and notes spread all over your dining room table and the floor surrounding you. You have been working since 8 o'clock in the morning and haven't stopped. Sam had to force you to take a fifteen-minute break to eat lunch and dinner. All your focus was on your work that you didn't hear the bedroom door open or hear Sam in the kitchen.

"I thought you'd need some help getting through this late night." Sam said, scaring the crap out of you.

"Jeez Sam, at least make some kind of announcement that your awake." You replied, but taking the cup of coffee from him and giving him a thankful smile.

"Is there some way I can help you?"

"Honestly, having you in the room makes me feel much better."

So, with that said, he stayed and kept you going through the early morning and stayed up with you until you finally crashed around noon that day. Sam's motivation is what kept you going and is the reason you were where you were today. You were grateful for him and lucky to call him your best friend, lover, soul mate, and husband.


End file.
